honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
