she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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