I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize