I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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