I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
