I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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