dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Vodka?
Forever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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