If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
