New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wear drunk well.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
