I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
