Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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