The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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