i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
