I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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