A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
