dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
