Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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