im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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