i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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