Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
