I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
