Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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