Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
