My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
