he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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