just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
