Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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