based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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