I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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