based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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