Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize