I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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