I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
