My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
