just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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