The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
