I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
