I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
