not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
then he tried to convert me to islam
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
