Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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