...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
