You're my little dorito
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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