Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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