I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
