You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
