i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
