i jhust puked up my retainher.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
