VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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