you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
