he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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