he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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