I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
