the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
