Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
