if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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