the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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