If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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