My hand turned me down
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
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