To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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