Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
