He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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