Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
