No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Panties = found
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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