He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
