a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
